The Other 50%

Here comes another March 8th- International Women's Day. Frankly,  I hate the very concept of women's day which I feel is an implicit way of stating that the remaining 364 days are men's days. Though that is true in more than one ways, do you have to state that and remove all doubts? Even during my college days, I despised the women's lib activities and observation/celebration of women’s day. These made no sense to me at all. Not that I am against women’s liberation, only my concept of this liberation is different. How many of us truly realise the meaning of liberation as in women’s liberation? Liberation in what? For what? From what? Where does this liberation originate and most importantly where does it end? I don’t even claim that I know the answers to all this. But, at least these questions have been framed in my mind at some point or the other.

                   

I firmly believe that if the status of the Indian women is to improve, and liberation is to be achieved by women, the change should first happen in the family, at home, in school. What is the point of shouting slogans for women emancipation on the road and come back home to do the dishes while your husband/brother reclines in the living room watching tv and making judgements about the character of women, deciding what she should wear, where and when she can come and go, how she should talk and to whom? The first step is stop allowing yourselves to be subjected to injustice. Fight the discrimination in your family, at work, in the classroom, in your neighbourhood. They say charity begins at home. So does everything good and bad. So curb the bad at home and cultivate the good.

So, you might wonder, why I am saying all this on this day, when I am against observing Women’s Day. The remaining part of this article was written about 2 months back when the nation was fuming in fury over the rape, assault and death of a paramedic student in Delhi. There was a lot of media hype at that time over women’s rights and equality. There was ample discussion on the atrocities on women and the need to preserve women's rights and implement effective laws for the same. New Delhi saw, like never before, the convergence of thousands demanding amendment of laws and penalties. Every journal and channel was discussing women’s rights. So, this article  didn’t see light then  and was saved for the women’s day which was less than 3 months away by which time, I was sure the Nirbhaya wave would have come down. Now, a mere 3 months down, I wonder what is happening in Delhi. The Pak troops in Kashmir was a welcome distraction for the government to conveniently wrap up the issue. Of course, we come to know through the media about the many hearings and adjournments, the revision of laws and later the reversal of revision. Does anyone know what he is doing? What is to be done and how and why and very importantly when?

Many psychologists opined that such acts are done, not out of lust but these are man’s way of demonstrating and proving his power, especially in a world witnessing women empowerment through better education and occupation and self reliance for women. This brings us to the most fundamental question on power. If someone has to state and prove that he is powerful, is he actually powerful? Well, physically maybe yes, but aren’t such acts pointing to the fact that the performers of such acts, even the ones thinking and talking so,  are a bunch of socially insecure and intellectually and emotionally powerless human beings (if they may be called so), not to talk of the absolute moral and spiritual disintegration?

 

The moment some report of harassment of women comes up, unfolds the absolutely meaningless justifications of the act saying that it was the improper attire of the women that provoked the man into behaving so. It is hopelessly audacious and ridiculous to think that a woman should adhere to certain fixed dress codes and conduct codes prescribed by men so that the men 'might' keep their vicious eyes and hands away from the women. Again, no guarantee there too. Even then what about the thoughts and mind-set? Will any dress code ever make a man see a woman as a fellow human being and not as a commodity to utilize for his whims and fancies? What about the 2-year olds getting raped? Are these also due to improper dressing? Even burkha-clad women and nuns fall prey to these beasts.  Can anyone define the so-called ‘proper dressing’? It’s very hard to buy the argument that men are provoked by the ‘indecent’ (definition unknown) attire of women when only the Indian men are provoked into displaying their beastly self by a few inches of fair skin. For all the indulgence in extramarital sex and premarital sex, the westerners - at least the wide majority of them - do not see a woman as a second class human being on whom he can force himself regardless of her consent. On many occasions, I have heard men, educated men, making lewd remarks on a woman's character just because she happens to be wearing a tight jeans or a sleeveless top. I wonder what gives them this right to judge the character of any other person. Even young school-going boys nurture these preposterous notions and this is going to make the situation even more perilous in the future. This situation will go on unless and until everyone, men and women, realizes that though nature has made man and woman differently, they are ultimately equal. Equality, here, doesn't imply similarity. Man and woman have been made different so as to complement each other and make good the  innate shortcomings of each other. By having our thoughts, words, deeds and even laws against half of the population, we are going against nature.

                                  

 I believe the respect for the equality of both genders ( I don't say ‘respect for women’) for what they are and what they are meant to be should be inculcated in early childhood. Unfortunately in most of our families, the children grow up witnessing perennial discrimination against women in one form or the other. Most elders, even mothers (who are women themselves) don't think twice before making a comment on how a daughter is meant to behave and the son...".Oh! He can do anything ...after-all he is a boy." Bad conduct (the definition of which is, unfortunately, different for different people) is repelling in girls, I agree. But it is equally repelling in boys too. Don't let your son grow up as if he is born superior and don't sow the seeds of inferiority in your daughter's mind. 

I can narrate a tiny incident that took place when I was a teenager. One day  I was leisurely watching tv with my legs resting on a teapoy, when my grandmother walked in. Out of respect for her, I removed my legs from the teapoy and sat properly. Very pleased at this gesture, she happily remarked-“very good…that’s the way girls should behave. Girls should not be sitting with their legs on the teapoy.” I got so irritated at that comment of hers and immediately put my legs back on the teapoy and told her. “I object to that gender-biased comment of yours and shall not remove my legs from there until you withdraw your statement.” The poor woman was aghast, but soon I could drive some reason into her, thanks to her common sense. I agree it is not a pretty sight to see a girl in her drawing room with her feet up on a teapoy or a table. But it is equally repelling in a boy as well. If it is relaxing for the boy to sit so, so it is for the girls too. Why should she be deprived of the relaxation? Often, what is judged as misconduct in girls is ranked heroic and macho in boys.  

This is just a petty incident, but numerous such disparities are constantly going around all of us. I know many middle class families where the teenaged daughters are well involved in household chores or at least taking care of their personal duties like washing their own clothes and plates whereas the sons get it done by the mothers. I have seen mothers keep aside fresher, tastier and a greater portion of the food for their sons who are away loitering with friends or playing cricket while the daughter who has been helping her in the kitchen has to make do with the burnt/undercooked/overcooked portions or left-overs of the previous meal or wait till the men have finished and see what remains. This is the scenario in an educated middle class family. And in uneducated, socially and economically backward families, the discrimination against the girl child is much more rampant and severe, yet considered very normal which makes it even scarier. Apart from making the boys horribly dependent on others and hence being a less useful member of the society, all this instils in them the notion of pseudo superiority.  With such unfair practices at home every mother is widening the gender based discrimination and corrupting the minds of her children sowing the seeds of male dominance which when deep-rooted in the young minds drives the youth in later years into thoughts, words and acts against women. It is to be noted that though only a small percentage of the men may be performing acts like rape or molestation, the majority carries in their minds the idea of being superior to women which is bad enough.

The change should happen in the family, in the school. There is very little that the parliament or the Supreme Court or the Police can do here unless men and women, girls and boys realize their strengths and flaws. Don't expect the laws (even if they are amended) to change the picture overnight. Laws and courts can only supplement the existing norms in the society; they can't be in stark contrast with the existing social scenario. In the Indian context even if the laws for preserving women's rights do get implemented (wishful thinking), this contrast between reality and dream is going to be so rampant that ultimately any law is going to be futile. Enough loopholes will be found to ridicule the judiciary and more importantly the public. No law is useful, unless the woman decides to take the first step and be prepared to take the last step as well.  As long we have it deep-rooted in us that man belongs to a privileged class of human beings and females to a second class, any number of laws will just be another adornment in the law books and constitution.

We already have the Fundamental Rights enlisted in the constitution Article 19 of which ensures, to every individual regardless of the gender, the right to freedom of move freely anywhere in the territory. There is also the right to equality provided for in the articles 14 to 18 of the Indian constitution. Article 14 guarantees that all citizens, man or woman, will be equally protected by the laws of the country, while according to Article 15 no person will be discriminated on the basis of language, creed, sex etc.  But how many women today are confident to take a late evening stroll on the streets relying on the constitution. Will quoting these articles save you from the obscene judgements and comments on your character or more importantly protect your spirit, morale, self-respect and life from the heinous hands of the not-so-aam aadmi?

                                  

 We already have laws against rapists. IPC section 375 defines rape and section 376 clearly states rape as a crime and the punishment for the same. It is not the lack of law that is causing this appalling degradation of the Indian society. Agreed that compared to some countries like Saudi Arabia, our laws are far too lenient, but even these accused-favouring laws themselves don’t get implemented. There are hurdles at every point starting from the very definition of rape and violence. The second and most important hurdle is that very few victims muster the courage and willpower to report the issue and seek legal help. The victim cannot be blamed for this as she, at that juncture and maybe forever thereafter is severely traumatised by the violation of her body and soul and the social stigma associated does not help either. In most case, the family and the ‘well-wishers’ coax her to hush up the issue for her own benefit. In the most optimistic case even if the victim decides to file a complaint, there are more stumbling blocks ahead.  As men get meaner, laws need to get more stringent and penalties harsher.

This is only one side of the story. I cannot refrain from pointing out that on many occasions women invite trouble with their lack of common sense. In Nirbhaya’s case the victim cannot be held at fault in any way, as the team of assaulters on that day had predetermined this heinous act. The same cannot be said about the 17-year girl who fell prey to a couple of perverts on New Year’s eve These were guys whom she had come to know (not met) through a social networking site. She wouldn't have been in that situation had she been more prudent. Had she been exploited by a known friend or family member the scales would have turned another way. So would it have been if she had been forcefully abducted and raped. Here, she was inviting danger. It was foolish of her to befriend someone over the social networking site and agree to meet him without the knowledge of her family, and that too with so many evil incidents going on around us these days. What's more, she accepted the drink offered by these fellows. Not just the girl, even the family is also at fault. Girls,should be able to sense it when the intentions of the ones with her are not good. This again depends hugely on lifestyle and past experiences of the girl. Nevertheless, it's basic common sense not to meet and travel with strangers or accept food or beverages from them. 

This does not mean that I am justifying those accused fellows. No matter how careless and foolish the girl might have been, in deciding to meet them, they had no right to do what they did to her. They knew she was not going to be a consenting partner or why would they drug her? Even otherwise, the fact that she is a minor is a very crucial one. Their intention, without doubt, had been evil. For the girl, who must have had some harmless fun in mind, it all turned to be harmful. What circumstances made her choose this dangerous kind of fun is a point worth pondering. One thing that I do find praiseworthy in the girl is that she decided to report the incident immediately so that the wrongdoers could be prosecuted. This 17-year old should be lauded for not keeping the event under the wraps. That, I feel tells us about her sense of freedom and equality. She must have been exercising her rights to freedom and equality, thinking all that is said in our constitution can actually be true. A word to you dear girl (and all other girls), these rights still remain in writing for the women. The present Indian society does not allow women to enjoy these rights. So it would be in your own interest (and mine too) to be more canny and careful before taking our constitution at its face value. There's a lot more way to go before all that comes true. Better be aware of the reality.  But along with her rights to freedom and equality, she at least decided to avail her rights against exploitation and for this I appreciate her.  

So much said about how we must all realise the equality of sexes despite the differences, I must add that the women folk mustn’t get misled by the notion of equality and equate themselves to men. The differences between the two sexes should be accepted and each group should realise and accept their strength and weakness. We are not here to compete or combat but to complement and coexist. Our existence are inter related and interdependent- a perfect Yin-Yang. Nature had beautiful plans for us in making us men and women differently blessed. So why not fit into the nature’s plan?